On Becoming a Father

Parenting seemed so easy when I was childless. I could tell you without a doubt what all parents were doing wrong and what they needed to do to fix the problem. Too much TV, too many video games, not enough time outside, not enough discipline! I even toyed with the idea of writing a book. I would call it, The Childless Man's Guide to Parenting: a comprehensive approach to making your children more pleasant to the people around them.

It wasn't that I didn't like children, it was just that I had no idea how to deal with them; I didn't grow up with a lot of little kids around, so I assumed that they should act just like adults, only smaller! As time passed and we became more set in our ways, I became less and less tolerant of other people's kids, to the point of considering not having children of my own. I mean, we were happy, Leslie and me and our animals. We could go anywhere, and do anything we wanted at a moments notice. But as the years passed , our trips and toys just didn't have the same satisfaction that they once had; something was missing. Suddenly the thought of a life without children seemed cold and unappealing. But still, uncertainty and doubt plagued my thoughts. Would I be a good father? Do I have the patience for a child? Am I getting too old? Lacking a father figure most of my life reinforced my paranoia: how was I to be a good father when I didn't have a role model? A few more years would pass before we made the decision to adopt, a decision that brought with it a whole new level of anxiety. Now not only do we have to deal with ordinary parenting issues, but add to that bonding and cultural considerations, plus a trip around the world to a foreign land. I was excited, and a nervous wreck at the same time, but finally I was going to find out if I had what it takes.

I'm not sure I can explain adequately what happened the moment I first saw my boy. In the minutes leading up to this encounter, my mind was a torrent of anxiety and raw emotion. This was the culmination of 18 months of restless waiting. I felt like I already knew Manu from pictures and updates, but suddenly I realized that I had no idea what this little boy was going to be like, or if he would even like me. This is the point at which, in my previous life, I would have ran away and hid from this intense, emotional conflict. As they lead us into the room where Manu was sitting, playing on the ground, I was about to explode. Then it happened. As I looked at my little boy and he looked up at me, it was as if 20 years of pent up angst and apprehension suddenly let go, and it was all I could do to keep from crying on the spot. Suddenly I knew everything was going to be OK. When one of the Aunties said to Manu that Mama and Papa were here, I thought, "Yeah, Papa, that's me," and I slipped into that role immediately and without a second thought of the baggage I had brought with me. I was now a believer of love at first sight.

Manu has been home for five months now, and what an adventure it has been. Every day I learn something new about him and myself. I know I'm doing my job when he comes to me to show me his new discovery, or when he's trying to figure something out, or when he brings me a book and wants to sit in my lap. I've earned his trust, and to me that's what being a father is all about. We stay home a lot more than we used to, and we buy fewer things for ourselves, but we don't miss them. His smile means more to me than anything else I could be doing. I'm also enjoying playing with toys again without seeming strange! I now realize that my book would have been a colossal flop, except as a comedy piece. I think now, patience is the only advice I could give a new parent, you'll need lots of it!

A long time ago, in a lifetime far, far away...

A long time ago, in a lifetime far, far away, there lived a man and a woman in a clean and quiet house, in complete control of their time and money. But that was before...The Manu! He came innocently enough, playful and content with just being held. But slowly he amassed an army of evil henchmen; The Little People, The Weebles, the toy piano, the bubble mower; and he set forth to enact his diabolical plan: a slow and steady reduction of mommy and daddy from all-powerful, into quivering, nervous little house servants at his beck and call. Now, only the cat stands in the way of total conquest! Stay tuned as once again Manu exerts his mind control with a repeated push of the button on any of his vast array of musical torture devices, or as he sets a trap with many small, round objects, expertly placed at daddy's feet, or as he slowly drives mommy insane by pulling out everything that she had just put away. Resistance is futile. Learn from our mistakes...save yourselves!

As you might have guessed, Manu is as active as ever. Having recently learned how the buttons on his toys work, enamored by this discovery, he wants to show mommy and daddy how they work too, all of the time! Another favorite is the bubble-mower that he received from uncle Ed and aunt Patty. He is all smiles and giggles as he pushes and pulls it along. It makes a loud engine sound you know :-0 We have avoided actually using the bubbles yet, for fear of losing our lives as the bubbles would create a nice slick film on the flooring. As soon as it dries up a bit outside we'll show him that.

Manu is now mastering a few words. Mama and Dada are being used in the correct context, as well as bye-bye, uh-oh, nana (banana), done and down. He is almost completely through with baby food, preferring to eat whatever we are having. Peas, carrots and corn are everyday staples, and pasta, pork and spinach are favorites too. He is walking, climbing and opening anything he can. Every time we think we have the house completely baby-proofed, he reminds us of our shortcomings. He is enjoying daycare more and more. Playing with friends and art are his favorite activities. They really seems to love him there too, as everyone, workers and older kids alike, know him by name and call to him as we leave in the afternoons.

On Saturday we took Manu to Churchill Downs for his first day at the races. We stood at the paddock and watched the pretty horses trot by. Manu was awed by these beautiful creatures, and he seemed even smaller than he is compared to the thoroughbreds. A good luck charm he isn't though, as we went zero for five in the races on which we wagered. Still, it was a fun day in Kentucky.

Random mid-week cuteness.

Ordinary life

I know it's been a couple of weeks since our last post, but truthfully I have been at a loss as for what to say. As the weeks pass by we become more familiar with Manu and he with us. As we settle down into the post-adoption mundanity of daily life, as the excitement of our journey becomes a fond, but distant memory, there are seemingly less moments of revelry worthy of public comment. Today Manu spit out his peas, or he's got a runny nose, or he's being fussy, or he tried to eat a rock; things "regular" parents go through on a daily basis. Like when he falls down and only being held by mama will soothe his tears, or the wonder in his eyes as he discovers a new taste or sensation, or his slightly-shrill cries of joy as he chases the cat around the house, or his soft, clingy cuddle in the morning. This is the everyday humdrum of our lives; something known to every parent out there. But arriving at this point is all that we have ever hoped for, and has made us the happiest people on earth.

The last few weeks have been exciting ones for Manu. For Memorial day we packed up and went to Cincinnati for the annual Taste of Cincinnati: a street fair that showcases Cincinnati's local restaurants and food vendors. We stayed in Covington and walked across the bridge into downtown Cincinnati where we tried all kinds of yummy treats. Manu was particularly fond of the sweet-potato gnocci. We spent the evening eating and listening to several of the many live music performances, capped off by the one and only Bucky Covington ;). On Monday we visited Newport Aquarium where Manu discovered the wonders of sea life. At first he was a little unsure of what was going on, but by the end he was enamored by the brightly colored fishies and the frolicky penguins. We all had a great time.

This past weekend was our annual adoption picnic. Julie, the director of our local agency, hosts a wonderful picnic in Danville for her adoptive families. There was food, pony rides, a petting zoo, playground equipment and many beautiful children from all over the world. We got to meet many wonderful families who share many of our experiences. Especially nice was meeting other families who have adoptied from India. Manu even got to meet an old friend from Ashraya who was there at the same time he was; that was very special. It's hard to describe the the feeling of being in such diverse company. These little representatives from all over the world could teach us adults a thing or two about getting along and playing nice.

Manu petting his first Llama

Manu with Uncle B looking cool.


All of the families camped out under their flags.

Leslie's first Mother's Day

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon when when Manu and Daddy took Mommy out for a Mother's Day picnic. Leslie enjoys picnics as much as she does fine dining, so this seemed like a good way to celebrate her first Mother's Day. We found a nice spot in the middle of a field so that Manu could roam around a little bit. This was his first time out in the grass, so it took him a few minutes to get the feel for walking on uneaven ground. He had a ball, and so did Leslie. Manu also gave mommy a pretty silver locket with a picture of him and mommy on their first day together on one side, and the Taj Mahal on the other. Very thoughtful little guy.

Racing ahead.

To quote Joyce Kilmer:

"I think that I shall never see, a sight as lovely as my baby."

Or something like that :-)

Today was an exciting day for Manu. He is no longer a minnow, but a tadpole! That's his new room at daycare. He is officially a big kid now, moved on from sleepy pace of the baby room to the hustle and bustle of the toddler room . Leslie and I worried a little how he might take yet another change of environment. Any fears we had were quelled immediately upon entering the facility, for as soon as Manu saw the big kids with their big kid toys he forgot all about mommy and daddy and jumped right into the fray. He didn't even notice us leaving; he was in such awe of his new surroundings. Unlike last time, we received no mid-day calls with news of homesick tears, rather when I picked him up this afternoon, he was all smiles and had apparently won over the new staff with his charm (he gets that from me you know!) The only drawback for mommy and daddy was that he was so worn out from all of this excitement, he was a little (a lot) grumpy this evening and fought sleep hard; probably too the result of going from 2 naps per day in the baby room to only one. He'll adjust fine.

This past week was busy for Manu, as he met his Uncle Ed and Aunt Patty for the first time; good friends of ours who recently moved from Lexington back to New York. They were in town visiting friends and family and attending The Oaks at Churchill Downs. Manu had to miss that race, but Leslie and I had a great time and managed not to lose all of our money! On Saturday we took Manu to Keenland to watch the Kentucky Derby, simulcast on the jumbo screen. There were literally thousands of people there . Manu really seemed to get into the moment, feeding off the excitement of the crowd. He was all smiles and giggles as he watched his first horse race. He's going to fit into Kentucky just fine, assuming he likes basketball too...and if I do my job as a father, he will!

Manu is just finishing up his third round of antibiotics in three months for yet another ear infection. He seems to be feeling much better, so hopefully we cleared it up completely this time. His walking is improving to the point that he now crawls very little. Tonight he walked around the kitchen in a circle for what was surely 20 minutes. He seems so proud of himself. Leslie and I are continually amazed at the progress he is making. I just wish he could tell us exactly what mommy is doing wrong every time he cries ;-)

I'll pay for that.

They grow up so fast.

Tomorrow will mark 3 months since the day we met Manu. I guess that makes today the 3 month anniversary of our 31 hour airport adventure! It certainly seems like more time should have passed, as it's becoming harder to remember life without him. Gone are the impromptu jaunts across town or country on a whim; gone are the nights out for fancy dinners or time with friends; gone is any hope of having lengthy conversation, or losing ourselves in books or movies-but we don't miss it. Just when you think you've got life figured out, something comes along to remind you of what you were missing. And we were missing a lot.

Manu has reached a few milestones this week. After a couple of painful nights crying himself back to sleep without mommy and daddy rushing to his crib, Manu seems to be more comfortable with sleeping throughout the night. This was especially hard on Leslie, as she can't stand to hear him cry, but this is working out best for everyone. Saturday morning also saw Manu take his last bottle, as since then we have successfully transitioned his formula to a sippy cup, and will further transition to milk after we finish up the last of his remaining formula. We've kept as a souvenir an empty can of Lactogen that we bought in India to remind us of his first few bottles we fed him, not that we could ever forget that if we tried, especially the bottle on the plane to Delhi, LOL. Manu also now has six teeth and has learned to bite his food. He also preferes to finger-feed himself, which allows mommy and daddy to relax a bit during dinner. He also enjoys feeding the dog off the side of his high-chair. And to top things off, this afternoon Manu, of his own accord, took off walking across the kitchen floor, a little wobbly, but confident. He has continued practicing all evening! He has also mastered long-division and is five chapters into Moby Dick.

Tax day blues?

Birthday!

Manu turned 1 year old today! As he reflects back upon his accomplishments of the last year, he wanted me to pass along the following statement to all of his adoring fans and family: "mamama...bububub...hehe...woowoo." I think we can all agree on that!

Manu has had a busy social calander the last few days; his first Easter yesterday and his first birthday today. Add to that the fact that he is recovering from an infection, and it makes it almost exhausting for the little guy. Because daddy had to work this weekend, mommy and Manu headed to Whitesburg to spend the holiday with her family. While there he had pictures made in his Easter outfit, got a visit from the Easter Bunny, attended church and participated in the egg hunt afterwards. He also got lots of birthday presents from his family back there.

Today Manu celebrated turning one by taking cupcakes to his teachers at daycare. Then tonight, on my way home I picked up Indian food for a big birthday dinner. Manu enjoyed the Channa Saag and the spicy dal, while mommy and daddy ate too much Lamb Biryani. After dinner we played with his new blocks and his Little People farm that we got for him. Later we sang happy birthday and had some of the chocolate birthday cake that mommy made. Manu took a few bites, but wasn't too interested in eating. In fact, the poor little guy was fussy all day, still feeling a little under the weather; not the best way to spend your birthday.

He's asleep now. It doesn't seem like he should be a year old, but at the same time we feel like we've known him forever. He has changed a lot in the few months that we have been together; we can see differences in pictures, and hear differences in video, as compared to today. But one thing that hasn't changed is his friendly disposition, and how happy he makes us feel. Leslie and I wish that we could have been there for the first nine months of his life, but realize how lucky we were to have gotten him as young as we did. The comming year is an exciting one, as we move toward finalizing the adoption and becoming even closer as a family.

Manu goes to the zoo.

With Spring finally upon us, we wanted to spend Saturday out in the fresh air; and since Manu seems to enjoy the veritable petting zoo that is our house, we thought he might enjoy a day at the Louisville Zoo. We awoke that morning and fixed a breakfast of idli, sambar and upma. We seem to have started a tradition of eating Indian breakfast items on the weekends. These are so much more interesting, and tastier, than bacon and eggs. We never imagined eating spicy food so early in the morning, but our trip to India changed a lot of our perceptions on food...I digress. On our way to the zoo we stopped in Shelbyville to see my mom, aka Nana, and Momaw, his great grandmother. Manu was a little fussy at first, he had just awoke from a nap in the car, but he warmed up and soon he was giggling and smiling while trying to get into anything within arm's reach. After leaving his grandmothers, we continued on to Louisville, stopping to get a bite to eat before heading to the zoo.

You could tell it was the first nice day of spring by the multitude of families pouring through the front gate of the zoo. While waiting in line we experience what would become ubiquitous throughout the day: the curious stares of people trying to figure us out. It goes like this: first they look at Manu, then glance up at us, then back to Manu, then somewhat nervously back to us, as if not wanting to be perceived as gawking, but trying to decide what to make of the very white couple with the cute brown baby. Not that this doesn't happen just about everywhere we go, but with the sheer number of people, I haven't felt as much like a spectacle since India. Everyone was very pleasant though, and many people were heard commenting on how cute Manu was, especially in his little boots that his uncle Brian got for him. Of course the stares could be just that people have never seen a baby as cute as he is!

While Manu was intrigued with the experience and enjoyed the animals, especially the elephants, he seemed to mostly enjoy just being out and about in the hustle and bustle of it all. At the end of the day Manu and mommy rode the carousel while daddy took pictures. This is Leslie's favorite ride of any amusement park, and Manu seemed to agree, as he was all smiles. We left the zoo for some shopping before heading back to Lexington. All in all a really good day, at least until 2am when Manu kept us up for 2 hours trying to get him back to sleep, but technically that's Sunday.

Speaking of sleep, or the lack thereof, Manu has taken to waking several times throughout the night lately. Most of the time we can get him back to sleep fairly quick, but at other times we could be up for hours. Part of the problem might be a lingering cold with which we all seem to be suffering, and the fact that he has 3 more teeth just about to break through. Whatever it is it is turning daddy into a zombie throughout the day. Manu simply takes a longer nap at daycare and is full of energy when we get home! He should be walking any day now, as he is starting to take a couple of steps on his own before flopping down. Whenever we see him doing this we try to encourage him and work with him, but then it becomes a game, and he's more interested in us than in walking. He has mastered stair climbing though...